Sunday, February 5, 2012

Obstacle Overdose.

Been ages since my last post. I do miss writings, and it seems I'm gonna blabbering a bit more in this post. Actually, I have few unfinished writings in my draft box. But once again, it left unfinished. Until now. I still find a chance to work on those writings, but I think it won't be finish in short time. Blame on my mood, which has been extremely fluctuating this period. Honestly, not doing writing for a long time really affect my ability in writings. It seems like I have so many ideas to put on. But on the next 3 seconds, those ideas has lost. Furthermore, I also find it hard to use various words because my brain keeps thinking about the same word again and again. It's so hard to be a good writer, isn't it?

So fellas, have you ever been beaten by a thing so called life? I bet you have. I wonder why life has to be filled with so many ugly realities. Maybe you know the answer and care to explain?

I've been living in a drama. Where people seemed exaggerating little problems and forgetting things that should be discussed. Where people only concern about their own happiness. Where people act harsh to other. And so, what's the point of being friendly with the other and in the end all the thing you've got is only disappointment?

I've been living an unhealthy life with extremely boring daily routine. My body grows weaker. My face seems paler. My hair looks uglier. My skin turns darker. Wake up at night. Sleep when the sun start to shine. Neglecting the most important job as human and student. I didn't do what I supposed to do. I didn't act the way I supposed to act. I didn't talk the way I supposed to talk. I didn't think the way I supposed to think. Somehow I feel fake and not functioning properly.
I've been living in a malicious concept. No matter how hard I try to escape from it, in the end I'll be trapped in it again. I can't stand with my ego. I start to see things negatively. My heart began to filled by envious and jealous looking at others with their great achievement. I keep forcing my brain to think and visualize about all the good things, while on the other side I wasn't able to force my heart. I keep questioning "what's the point of being positive and you only got heartache in the end?". I came to the conclusion that "being positive sometimes feels torturing". Someone said to me that being positive is great. I admit that's right, but sometimes it sounds bullshit. I start to think that negative thoughts keeps me conscious, because being positive sometimes make me deeply captivated by dreaming and imagining, whereas on the other side realities keep slapped my face over and over again. Oh dear, what a life!

I've been living a hard life. But can I use that as an excuse to give up? I don't think so.

P.S: Those ups and downs, those negative thoughts, those badass people, they do leave me tons of bruises. But as a human I have to be thankful for what I have and what I got. This may be sound cheesy but at least I try to be honest. Pardon me for writings so much negative point of view in this post. I can't be positive forever, right?

Maybe you know the reason?

I hate the word "I don't know why", I hate hearing people said "I don't know why", I hate reading "I don't know why" sentence, and I don't know why! Oh dear, please save me...

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