Sunday, June 8, 2014

Conflicted Thoughts

I live in grey area. It's not that I'm bad, but I'm not that great either. I tend to be a person in 'standard/default mode'. To be honest, I am a person who often trapped in the middle of stagnancy. I tend to stop and not finishing the things I've been working on if I find it less interesting. I am a person with lack of consistency. There I said it.

I try to change that mindset. I try to manage myself in order to be a better person. And I think the only thing I can do is work harder and (try to) be persistent. But in the end I always ask myself "Will I able to survive with this lack of talent?". That's the mystery.

Someone said to me that actually smart people didn't exist, there is only diligent people with a little bit talent and talented people who has lack of motivation. That person also said to me, brain without discipline is such a waste. What a motivation for me. But....

A sound in my heart says I could survive. The other says I won't.

For you my dearest pals who read this post, shortly after you read I bet you'll think about "what the hell this person doing?" and I guess some of you will think that I'm insane. But I beg for your pardon pals, actually this conflicted thoughts have already hanging on my mind since ages ago and the best thing to do for me is writing all these conflicted thoughts in this blog.

Hopefully I can untangle this tangled rope.

Should I Call It A New Chapter of My Life?

Hiyabadabadoooooo! So glad to be back here after such long hiatus. A bit confused to decide from where do I have to start. Well, starting from mid May, I'm officially working in a new office. I can't call it working actually. Because from mid May until now, all I've done is just adapting, conversing, listening, studying, and not to forget: training (physically).

So, after 3 days of orientation at my new office, finally I came to Rindam Jaya (Resimen Induk Daerah Militer Jaya Jayakarta, TNI AD) in Condet, East Jakarta, on May 23rd in order to be trained by so called bunch of soldiers. I was extremely worried and anxious about what will happen there. Besides, I'm not a person who frequently use a physical on a daily basis. But thank God, all those bad thoughts actually never happened. To be honest, the training I've ever attended in high school was much more frightening than the training I got in Rindam Jaya (except PBB). Maybe it's because of female seniors I've met in high school. You know, women could be extremely scary sometimes. And thank God once again, there's no female trainer in Rindam. One thing for sure, I'm not downgrading the position of woman here. But when I think about how to survive in one week when I was in Rindam, the first thing I beg to God is: please let it be only male trainer there. :p

The first day in Rindam was quite 'fun'. One thing that less fun was meal time. I had to eat a set of lunch and dinner in a big portion. I felt guilty with my same-table-partner because I had to ask them to help me. Surprisingly, I could eat those big portions on the next day till the last day. Hahahaha. Thanks to tummy's remarkable adapting skill. Also hats off to those big portions, I've gained 1 kilo after I left Rindam (triple huftness). The other interesting time on my first day in Rindam was bath time. In each dorm (or we call it barrack there), we only got one big bathroom and all 60 women had to bath together in it with all those chatting, screaming, giggling, and so on. 

Day by day, I've barely managed to adapt with Rindam's cycle of life and there I arrived on the last day. The last day was the heaviest and the funniest of all day I've been through in Rindam Jaya. All physical things from crawling, running, push-up, sit-up, occurred on last day. The funniest things are the 'Jasmani Militer' session and of course the long awaited free time. In 'Jasmani Militer' session, I made it down the hill with only a rope. Such a cool experience for me.  A bit disappointed because there's no flying fox there. But this experience will forever stay in my brain and heart. Trust me.

After orientation days and physical training in Rindam, now I've arrived at the most crucial moment on my days as a Rookie Public Servant. Yup, it's Diklat Prajabatan, filled with so many classes from the first day (June 5th) till 23rd day (June 27th). Please pray for me so I can pass the exam, graduating with excellent score, and throwing away the title 'rookie' and fully working for the Ministry as a Public Servant. :)

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